Saturday, November 26, 2011

Chapter 2 (part 3)

The formal tournament is held at a coliseum like arena where the audience sits in bleachers that circle around the ring. The preliminaries are done in a separate location where multiple stages were set up and contestants fight. The role of the preliminaries is to weed out the contestants of weaklings leaving only those worthy enough to go to the elimination rounds. Noirxus and I checked the chart to see who our opponents are then we parted and went to our respective fights.

My preliminary foe was easy. I didn't even have to do anything. I simply stood at the edge of the stage and taunted him like there was no tomorrow. He eventually was angry enough to run towards me like a raging bull with his sword held high. I stood my ground waiting for him to come close enough and when he did, I sidestepped. He stopped himself and teetered at the edge of the stage, immediately realizing his mistake. Before he could regain his balance though, I kicked him from behind. He toppled off the stage and the referee started the countdown. He started standing up but he didn’t know I was right behind him. Before he could fully stand, I punched both his ears causing him vertigo. The countdown finished with me as the winner.

Call me dirty but my Master told me if you lose your cool in a battle, it's over. I'm just applying his teachings with slight differences than what he expected.

I wandered around the stages not knowing what to do with my free time when I saw the dragon slayer. I recognized him because I carefully memorized his picture but not his name from the information board. I didn’t bother remembering his name because it’s a waste of memory in my opinion. I hid and observed him carefully. He stood tall from the side with a haughty smile fixed on his face as if he’s saying he could take on all the contestants in a battle royal. This attitude is common among Dragon Slayers since they’ve been basking in the glory of their profession the first time they killed a dragon. But sometimes the title Dragon Slayer can be misleading. Some people claim to be Dragon Slayers just because people glorify such people. They ride for the glory. I’ve got to find out if this guy is a real Dragon Slayer and the best way to do that is through combat.

A Dragon Slayer needs to be competent at both magic and physical strength combined with skills like swordsmanship. I’ll know if that louse is competent when our swords touch. Unfortunately, killing is frowned upon in tournaments like these.

That’s right. Just keep looking down on people, slug. I’ll make you kneel soon.

I left my hiding spot and continued my wandering. I decided that the Dragon Slayer wasn’t interesting enough to watch. Watching him could be compared to watching a fat worm crawl - disgusting and boring.

Then I saw the event organizer carefully tabulating the result of the matches and I found mine and Noirxus’ names on the list of victors. After all the matches were done, the announcer repeated the prizes for all the remaining contestants. Mark my words; I’m getting all of them one way or another. He also said that the elimination round will happen on the next hour in the tournament stage.

I carefully noted my opponent for the elimination round. It was a swordsman again. By the flow of things, this is going to be another easy round.

After the hour break that Noirxus and I spent eating lunch, we returned to the arena. The elimination round had already began by the time we arrived.

“There are a few matches left before my turn,” I said to Noirxus. “Wake me up when it’s my turn.”

“You’re going to take a nap?” Noirxus asked. “Don’t you want to see the matches?”

“No. I’m not interested,” I replied. “Just wake me up when my turn comes alright?”

He nodded hesitantly. I will kill you if you don’t wake me up, Noirxus.

 It seemed like he reads minds because he nodded again without hesitation this time. So with his reassurance, I took my nap.

Noirxus nudged my shoulders and I knew my turn was up. I took my cloak off and gave it to Noirxus, then I stretched a bit and then climbed up the stage.

Alright. Let’s get this over with.

My opponent was different from what I expected. He was a tall, burly and ugly guy that probably didn’t shave or bathe for months. I wanted to cover my nose because I thought I could smell him from a distance of ten feet.

Now this is a problem. I wanted the audience to enjoy watching me fight so they could fully admire my prowess and bet for me (and me claiming part of the winnings) but with this kind of opponent, every fiber of my being tells me to end this fight in five seconds.

"Draw your sword," he said, his own single-edged broadsword already drawn and ready to attack. So he waited for me to prepare while I was busy thinking about the duration of the match.

How very honorable. I drew my own sword and prepared to attack in reply. I took the initiative and charged at him. I aimed for the limbs like I did when I sparred with Noirxus but he was able to parry and avoid them all and did an overhead attack.  

With the flat of my own sword, I parried and redirected his attack to the ground where his sword was planted by the force of his own blow. I stepped on the blunt of my opponent’s sword so it remained stuck on the ground and swiftly slashed his chest. And just to give a show, I retreated using an aerial back flip.

My giant reached for his chest and looked at his blood stained hands with renewed interest. He lifted his sword from the ground and dashed towards me, his sword poised to do another overhead blow. I dashed towards him in the same way, calculating my next move. When we were close to each other, he jumped up probably to double his force using momentum but I cleverly slid under him using a front split. He landed behind me with a thud and I flipped back again landing in front of him to find that his sword was stuck on the ground again. I stepped on his sword again and leisurely slashed his chest for a second time. His chest now looked like a red target with an ‘x’ in the middle. I love taunting my enemies.

I’m pretty sure my opponent is vexed now. He forcefully lifted his sword, launching me into the air. He also jumped and tried to slash me in midair but I blocked with my own sword and grabbed his sword-wielding hand with my left hand, shifted my sword to a backhand and turned to stab him at the back. Then I used my left hand to throw my enemy to the ground, twisting my body to a full circle. I landed on the stage softly with my blade dramatically poised above the nape his neck.

“It’s over,” I whispered. “You lost.”

The audience was stunned. I guess that meant they didn’t expect me to win and that they would bet for me in the future.

I waved my sword from side to side to shake the blood off and sheathed it. With gallant steps, I walked off the stage.

v(O.O)v

Noirxus stood beside me and whispered, "Remind me to watch out for my life during spars."

"Did I overdo it?" I asked sheepishly.

Noirxus just gave me this glassy eyed look like I asked the most obvious thing in the world. He then looked at the stage where a mage and a swordsman were fighting, and said, "After their match, it's my turn." 

I nodded. As soon as I responded, the match was over with the mage as the winner. That’s got to be one powerful mage to best a swordsman like that. Mages are most vulnerable when they cast a spell and all swordsmen know of this weakness that is why mages partner up with swordsmen but when a swordsman is an enemy, they use this time as an opening. But this mage was able to cast a protection spell and an attack spell simultaneously. That says something. 

As soon as the stage was empty, Noirxus and his opponent stepped forth.


Author's message: Alright~ I added more detail. I would like to thank all the anonymous who pointed out my flaws to create an improved piece. Phew~ Now on to chapter 3!

6 comments:

  1. Verb tense error in the 4th paragraph.

    The 5th paragraph seems to be kind of awkwardly written. (there's one missing comma and a verb tense error as well) It seems kind of wordy because you talk about
    1. Him basking in glory
    2. Him possibly lying
    3. I'm careful
    4. Him possibly lying again
    5. I'll find out the truth
    You could maybe make it more concise?
    Perhaps, you could indirectly show your wariness through your actions rather than directly stating it. You could be like "I observed his actions, noticing his lack of modesty" or something idk. But like this sentence kind of shows, that you're observative and skeptic about his behavior (sort of?) It's a bad example, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say haha.

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  2. Again, just my opinion, but the 6th paragraph seems too straight forward and lacking in the character's sarcastic tone. If it were me writing, (PERSONAL OPINION) I would write like "Unfortunately, public killing is generally frowned upon." Or something witty lol. Sorry for posting all these comments like one at a time and so much personal opinion xD

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  3. You haven't really touched much on the background behind the magic in your novel/story yet. It might be a good thing to do (unless it's in chapter 3 already), but other than that it seems pretty good so far. Nice balance between comedy and action. Maybe a bit more emphasis on the action so the audience can "see" what exactly is happening. Of course, that's kind of hard so far with the easy opponents. I'm going under the assumption that future action scenes will show more detail into the actual battle.

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  4. Yes, I noticed that as well. It's very easy to see action in my brain but putting them in words is a different story all together... I'll try to get more action in though. Thank you

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  5. Yeah, I'd suggest like imagining the fighting step by step, and then thinking of how to elaborate this. Like instead of "I stepped aside and he teetered to the edge" you could talk about uhh.. I swayed to the right and used his own force against him...

    That's actually a really bad example xD But like, if its actual swordplay you could be like talk about "He overhand slashed, etcetc" idk. Like so its more precise? idk. There's not much you could do here though cause its not an actual sword fight.

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  6. Try to use the correct terms(?) when writing about objects such as swords. It looks so much better when the author knows what he/she is writing about!

    And i really like the story so far!

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